omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
