dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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