She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you will always have a special place in my vag
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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