You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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