if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
