Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
