she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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