a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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