so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
