Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
