wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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