how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
