I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
