Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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