sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
