Umm I'm too high to move.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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