I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
