If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
