i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
