I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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