Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
