i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
