I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize