she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
