I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
