It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize