I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
zippers are such a cool invention
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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