How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
