Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
