he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
