she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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