FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
