I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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