Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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