then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
