Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm at about main and main street
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
