fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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