do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
