I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
