Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
