Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
