His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
