Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
