when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
