so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
