If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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