After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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