mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
