please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
