K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
