I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
