I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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