i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
