I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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