did you get engaged???
I wish I could teleport
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
