found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
