After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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