I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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