is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
