Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
