I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
