I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
