I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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