do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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