you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
