Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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