he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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