Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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