She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
