If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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