my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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