my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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